Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Eating Alone

For the first time in a long time I sat down and ate a meal alone.  And not just alone, but with no distraction at all.  No book to read.  No text or phone conversation.  No game being played.  Just me, my plate, and my thoughts.  Well, actually it was more of a container.  I bought a salad earlier today for lunch and never got around to eating it.  Anyway, it was interesting.  It wasn't a bad thing.  I didn't feel lonely at all.  I wasn't salting my salad with my tears of loneliness.  Nor was it overly liberating and exciting.  It was just a thing.
I thought about the fact that I'm on this crazy diet for the next couple of weeks.  Do I need to lose weight?  You can look at my 30” waist jeans and immediately say “no.”  It's really just about health.  Sometimes you need to have a healthier diet.  My roomie suggested the idea (more for weight loss on her end, though) and so we're in it together.  Will I stick with this after it's over?  Probably not, but I do hope that I can bring some healthier eating habits into my life.

I thought about the death of a former boss.  It's been on my mind a lot lately.  I didn't leave that job under the best of circumstances, but I never had ill will toward anyone.  If anything, I continued to look up to this woman.  She was smart, kind, and enjoyed life.  I know some people think that when I person dies, people tend to only see their best qualities, but this really isn't the case.  Her best qualities were her main qualities.  When people talked about her at the funeral, it really was her they were talking about, not some saint they created because they feel bad that she died.  And though our beliefs may not have been the same, I do still admire and hope live life at least a little like she did.

I thought about the emails that I have to send out to the parents on my little actors.  Tonight was the first rehearsal for my next show.  It's a student production of Disney's The Little Mermaid Jr.  These are the youngest actors I've ever worked with (11-14 years) so it's a little odd for me.  Especially, since I tend not to interact with children much.  I really have to stop and think about how I approach dealing with them and what I say.  I'm sure it will turn out fine though.  *fingers crossed*

And then I thought about the fact that I had really just sat down and eaten that entire container of salad and not stopped to do anything else.  How I haven't had a meal like that since I went to Miami five(?) years ago.  How have I managed to stay so distracted in my life that I can't sit down quietly and enjoy a meal without some sort of distraction?  It seems like I've become dependent on something to keep my mind occupied.  But why?  It's not totally scary in my head all the time.  Sometimes it's actually good to hang out in there.  Maybe I should find some more time to do it.

Meh, I don’t know…  I need to go write these emails.

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