Waiting for my Car

I’m sitting here at Mr. Tire’s waiting for them to finish with my car. I’m bored and the battery on my laptop is at 29%. I wish I could find a WiFi signal… *sigh* I’m stuck watching ESPN on mute. Did Lebron James just pass the ball to himself? That boy is good!

I should be doing homework, but my mind just isn’t there. I’m so tired. My supervisor at work just had a meeting with me the other day. She said my work performance was down. I can’t say I didn’t notice it. It really just a combination of being tired all the time and not wanting to do this job anymore. It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just that it isn’t what I want to do. So it’s not holding the interest the way I need it to. Unfortunately, I have to get it together, because I just don’t have it in me to turn tricks for a living.

Tracey and Amol are getting married. He proposed on St. Valentine’s day with a pretty decent ring. I’m helping to plan the wedding. It’s going to be great! They’re also buying a townhouse in Accokeek. It’s really nice. We’ll most likely end up hanging out over there a lot. They’ll get tired of us.

*eyes getting heavy*

I stayed up late last night and had Tuey do my hair. It looks cute, but it really does take about 45 minutes to get from her house to mine. The only reason it even made it on the BCM is because of this guy who happened to move into the neighborhood across the street from her.

I need this guy to get up so I can get that plug over there. Battery is at 22% now. The little caution sign is up.

YAY! He’s up! The old Asian guy is looking at me funny because of how fast I jumped up to move over to the plug. Or maybe he’s just looking at me funny just because there’s nothing else to look at in the room. Regardless, I’m plugged in and a little more awake now.

I spent the majority of this past weekend eating out. Like I do nothing else but go out to dinner. Friday I went to Gladys Knight’s Chicken and Waffle’s because Maria had apparently been craving waffles that weren’t Eggo and we don’t have a Waffle House around here. Afterward we went to this spot called Mezza Luna. I did some free promotion for them one night while I was helping the girls at a Tabi (Bonney) event. It wasn’t bad, but there weren’t a lot of people there that night.

(Someone else has come in so creepy Asian guy finally stopped staring.)

(Heh, so someone finally picked up T.O.? Good for him.)

Saturday I spent most of the day in the house while the others went to the baby shower of this girl we used to hang with. Eventually they called and said they wanted to go out. We decided we’d head down to the Harbor and go to this ranch-type bar place that opened not too long ago. Once we got there, they said that there was about an hour and a half to two hours. We decided to go Busboys and Poets.

We were actually in two cars. Tracey and I rode together and Maria drove with Kamaria and Carmelita. Tracey and I got there first and managed to find a space not too far away from the restaurant. It took us another 30 minutes to find a space for Maria. Tracey and I literally had to stalk a girl coming out of the restaurant to her parking space so that we could save it for Maria. In the end we got to the restaurant and had a nice table off to the side where we drank nicely and laughed loudly.

Sunday morning is my usual brunch day. I always invite everyone else as a courtesy, but it’s something that I’d do on my own if need be. I find it very therapeutic. Nice quiet Sunday, good food, mimosas. This Sunday we tried to go to this place we passed a few Sundays ago. I forgot the name so I didn’t get to research it. Of course, when we got there, we found out that it served predominantly Mexican based foods, which is nice and all, but I really wasn’t feeling Mexican for brunch. Thankfully, it was on 18th St. not far from Adams Morgan. So we walked up (stopping to buy a couple of vinyl records on the way) and found a place that I had actually thought about coming to called La Fourchette. The food was delicious, though poor Carmelita found a hair in her eggs. But damn it, those eggs were good.

*sigh* Some guy just came in and turned up the TV. I think ESPN is best viewed with no sound. Watching it was one thing… hear it, entirely different.

After we left there, I went to pick Kristy up because we were supposed to be hanging out that afternoon and brunch ran a little over. She rode with us as we went to view the model home for Tracey and Amol’s house. We “Ooo’d” and “Ahhh’d” for a while, then I took everyone home and Kristy and I went down to Gallery Place and ate at this (African?) chicken place called Something Peri Peri (Nando's Peri Peri). I wasn’t really hungry so I just had a salad and a pitcher of Sangria.

Is this all I have time for now? A series of meals with varying friends so that I can keep in contact with them? I suppose so. This is my life.

Looking back at this I’ve come to realize that Twitter has obviously affected how I write out my thoughts. If they weren’t all over the place before, they sure are now.
I’m sexually attracted to one of my classmates. What’s bad is that I don’t actually like them at all. Like they get on my nerves… but I’d totally go for a tussle in the sheets if the chance presented itself.

Sleeeeeeepy…

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

I dreamt about him last night. He’s barely been on my conscious mind since I realized that it was over, but last night just went to show that my subconscious still has him on the brain. I shouldn’t take it too seriously as it was just a dream… but it was such as nice dream.

I’m not really going to delve into what it was all about because I’m not sure how I feel about the whole thing, yet.

“It’s just a dream. Why not just talk about it?”

Well because if it really is something that I want, then it’s really closer to a wish and I’ve always felt like if you talk about something too much, then it won’t happen. So right now, I have to determine if I want it to happen.

Jury Duty

So, I’m here at jury duty. Thank Yevon they let me bring my laptop. I think I may have died if they didn’t. This room is full of people who just look completely pissed off that they’re here, which is totally understandable. This whole thing is so whack. I mean, I understand why it’s done and it’s necessary, but it’s so damn inconvenient.

They’ve got us sitting here watching this video that’s supposed to explain the whole jury process to us. The problem is this video is 1) a video not a DVD. Hell, it might as well have been shown on a projector. And then 2) the video looks like it was made in 1987. It so reminds me as to why the 80s need to stay in the 80s. This whole video is actually pretty pointless to me. Honestly, in this day and age with Court TV and 15 different versions of Law and Order on television everyone should know how to be a juror. It really isn’t rocket science or spatial physics.

… Sweet Yevon… the clothing is terrible. This video makes me cry. I’m truly afraid that if they choose me I’ll come back with feathered hair.

Anyway, let’s talk about something else. Let’s talk about the fact that I’m being uber busy with life. I’m still up for that promotion at work and I’m waiting on Connie to say something about it. At this point I don’t see why I shouldn’t get it, but we’ll see what they say. If/when I get it, it will definitely increase my work load. Thankfully I’ll still be able to maintain that it’s just to stay at work and doesn’t have to come home with me.

I’m also working on getting back into school. I’ve basically been accepted, I just need to work on getting my money/loans together and all of the paperwork completed. Once I start school (two weeks from now) I’ll be going full-time in the evenings. So I’ll leave straight from work to class and most likely home. Though depending on when I get out, I may be able to do some late not workouts as I don’t see when I’ll possibly be able to do it any other time. This’ll be for the majority of the week and even though I won’t have class on Fridays, they have more in depth studies that they recommend that you join, so I may have to give up some of my Fridays.

I’m effing hungry…

I’ll also be attempting to maintain that social life which I refuse to get rid of. Though we’ll see how long that lasts. Not that it really matters seeing as I’m not seeing anyone right now.

Ugh, I want this chick next to me to stop asking me these second answer questions. Clearly, you were called and you had to come in. If you’re here, then you have to wait. If you leave, they come and get you. It’s all on the paper they sent and was clearly just explained again by the woman up front.

*sigh*… I think I’ll write this paper now.

Back in the Flow... Kind of

These last two days have picked up for me in the romantic sense. Not overly so, but just surprisingly. Mind you, I recently got into it with my ex and we kind of aren’t really talking now. I know, I was all ooey-gooey about him in my last few blogs and I still do love him, but he makes me mad sometimes and I have this stupid reaction where I hold things in until it blows out all at once. But whatever. So between my interaction with him (and without him) and my oh-so busy life, I haven’t really had much time to talk to or really get to know and connect with other guys. But if today and yesterday are any indication, I may be just fine.

Over the weekend I caught a cold and have been suffering through it since. Yesterday, I decided to take off from work because I just felt terrible. While I laid in bed sick this guy that I recently gave my number to called. He knew I was sick, but called to check up on me to see how I was. Now this was surprising to me seeing as I give my number to guys and they never call. Anyway, through my nasal voice we still managed to have a decent conversation. I seemed intelligent, accomplished, and kind of funny. I may potentially let him take me out.

Then today I was able to catch up with the photographer that I worked with the other week. We were supposed to get together last week to go over my photos, but we both ended up having to cancel each time. So when I brought it up to him today he suggested we meet someplace in town. He also said that he owed me dinner for the shoot. This was news to me so I kind of laughed about it, but said okay. At this point, I’m used to working with photographers who aren’t overly professional. Also I did the shots for free and I’m not really one to turn down a free meal.

So, he asked me what my favorite restaurant was, but seeing as I don’t actually have one that went nowhere. So (to be funny I suppose) he suggested McDonald’s. That got an immediate “No” from me. I suggested Busboys, but he said that it’s always so noisy there and there tends to be a lot of gays there, *laugh*. I, honestly, hadn’t noticed. But I guess in retrospect I did manage to run into two guys that I had messed with and a waiter who was clearly gay (and had some negative comments for me too, I might add) so I guess his statement could be true. So, seeing as we’re just going over my photos, I told him that we really could go somewhere else as it really didn’t matter to me, just as long as it wasn’t McDonald’s. Then he says, “Well how about someplace romantic?”

Now, I know there was a bit of a lead up to that, but seeing as I was thinking solely of business and nothing of pleasure, it kind of caught me off guard. I will admit, I did find him attractive especially during the shoot, but I had placed him in that “Business” area of my mind that I didn’t associate with anything else. Then he mentioned this really nice restaurant on Connecticut Ave that’s something like expensive and commented about bringing flowers and chocolates. I laughed as I don’t really expect that sort of think and told him to forgo the flowers and chocolate seeing as the flowers would die and the chocolate I’d just eventually end up giving away (most likely it would stay in my house until the nephews came and I’d give it to them). So, I have a date set for tomorrow (screw the pictures, they were just headshots anyway).

This evening I went to a workshop and audition. When I got there I found a parking space right out front. Of course, since I passed my driving test, my parallel parking skills went to shit and I really, really suck at it now. So I’m trying to back into the space and I see this guy waiting outside watching. It’s funny because I had to pull out and back in about three times before I got it right. When I got in the space and headed inside he was in there and commented on how he thought I’d never get in the space. We sparked up a little conversation. I can’t be certain, but I was definitely getting the feeling he wasn’t interested in me. After we were done and everyone was going home, I think I managed to unknowingly flirt with one of the girls that we were there with. Right after he immediately asked me which way I was heading. I told him and he asked if I could drop him at the train station (seeing as all of the stations are super far away from where we were and it was dark outside). So I decided to go ahead, as I’m a nice guy.

On the way there was some of that “getting to know you” conversation. It was still in that area where “I’m trying to get a feel for you, to see if you’re gay or not and if so would you be interested in me”. Well before it could get any further my phone rings. It’s Jon. Now for those of you who don’t know who Jon is, go to my old blog on LiveJournal and find out. Anyway, we’re still talking, but he’s over in Iraq right now. Since he’s been over there, he’s been keeping in closer contact with me. Kind of like a connection to home or something. We’ve actually kind of stepped into the roles as each other’s non-boyfriend boyfriend. I worry about him, and he calls and tells me he’s okay and how much he misses me.

It’s really been a while since I’ve gotten this much attention from multiple guys and actually welcomed it. As usual, it’ll most likely fade, but it is nice to be back here.

I Want You

OMG!!!! I’m losing my fucking mind over here!

This past weekend we went to NYC. Now I haven’t been up there since the earlier part of this year, but I absolutely love it! Always have. I’ve been working on a way to move up there. I’d love to sit here and talk about all the things we did, the places we went, the clothes we bought, the places we ate, but that is so not what this blog is about.

What really boosted this trip for me is that I managed to see my most recent ex who I haven’t seen in more than a year. The thing is no matter how much shit we went through, I was and still am so in love with this boy. Yeah, I said I didn’t care whether we got back together or not, and I didn’t. I’m also fully prepared to keep it moving if we don’t because we don’t always get what we want. But, sweet Yevon, it was so good seeing him. Fuck ‘good’! It was GREAT!!! It was fantastically wonderful! Brilliantly stupendous! Ecstatically exceptional (or something like that)! Every part of me reached out for him and no part of me wanted to let go.

It’s just so hard having these feelings pent up inside with no outlet. So once I saw him, it was like a floodgate being opened. Even our serious discussions were full of smiles because we couldn’t stop enjoying the presence of one another. And from the moment we parted ways to right this very second, I want nothing but to be right back there with him. Hell, from just seeing a text message from him my whole body tingles.

So please excuse me while I drift between a sweet feeling of near euphoria and a deep longing… please, talk amongst your selves. I’ll give you a topic: Grape-Nuts cereal contains neither grapes nor nuts… discuss.

Offensive?

So I’m sitting here today reading this story about Naomi Campbell once again getting off with a slap on the wrist for assaulting more people (that bitch is crazy) and at one point she mentions that she was actually already angered because she overheard someone call her a golliwog. Now I may seem like a know-it-all sometimes, but I really didn’t know what a golliwog was. So I did some research and found out. (Check out this link.)

So I began to think, “Hell, I’d be offended too”, but then I thought a little more. I didn’t know what this word meant until five minutes ago. Would I really have been offended? This lead me to think about whether certain words are still offensive if the person that they’re geared towards doesn’t know what the word means.

*eats another gummi worm*

I began to think about it as being offensive regardless as the person who used it meant for it to offend, so it is. But, then I thought about the situation in which the person who used it may be ignorant to the actual meaning of the word. I know it sounds silly, but it happens. An example of this (as silly as this may seem, I still think it’s a good one) is in the movie Clerks II when Randal uses the term “Porch Monkey”. He wasn’t aware until they told him that the term was racist as he’d apparently been raised to hearing the term being used constantly. So what then? Is it still technically offensive? What if neither party involved knows that the term is an offensive term, would it still be offensive then?

*bites the head off another gummi worm*

What are your thoughts?

The End of an Era?

I’ve come to realize that in the passing weeks since Mike tried to end things with me (then ended up talking to me again just a little over a week later) that my feelings for him have drastically changed. I honestly haven’t thought about him as much as I did before. I’m not really all that concerned with what he’s been doing with himself. When he doesn’t get back to me, then he doesn’t get back to me, I don’t really trip about it anymore.

I think what’s happened is that I (fully) realized that we are (or at least always have been) each other’s option. Though I did care about him, I really did bounce him back and forth as I did break things off with him a few times just to want him back a few days later. And he’s never actually prioritized me when it came to anything. Initially, maybe… But as time went on it really became pretty obvious where I stood with him and it really wasn’t very close to the top. Now I think that I finally accept it. I’m not even mad about it. Why continually get mad over something that apparently isn’t going to change.

I really worried about my feelings on this situation, too. I mean, to go from loving someone so much that the thought of losing them makes you cry to just being completely indifferent about them seems pretty bad. But I don’t think that I stopped loving him. I just think I don’t care as much about us being together as I used to. If we are, then fine. If not, then I’ll just move on.

I’m realizing that it’s kind of starting to sound like my mom’s relationship with her boyfriend. I briefly asked her about it in passing (I’m trying to be a little more open with her about my relationships) and I could see where the similarities lie. Well, I suppose like mother, like son. *shrugs*