Friday, April 25, 2008

The End of an Era?

I’ve come to realize that in the passing weeks since Mike tried to end things with me (then ended up talking to me again just a little over a week later) that my feelings for him have drastically changed. I honestly haven’t thought about him as much as I did before. I’m not really all that concerned with what he’s been doing with himself. When he doesn’t get back to me, then he doesn’t get back to me, I don’t really trip about it anymore.

I think what’s happened is that I (fully) realized that we are (or at least always have been) each other’s option. Though I did care about him, I really did bounce him back and forth as I did break things off with him a few times just to want him back a few days later. And he’s never actually prioritized me when it came to anything. Initially, maybe… But as time went on it really became pretty obvious where I stood with him and it really wasn’t very close to the top. Now I think that I finally accept it. I’m not even mad about it. Why continually get mad over something that apparently isn’t going to change.

I really worried about my feelings on this situation, too. I mean, to go from loving someone so much that the thought of losing them makes you cry to just being completely indifferent about them seems pretty bad. But I don’t think that I stopped loving him. I just think I don’t care as much about us being together as I used to. If we are, then fine. If not, then I’ll just move on.

I’m realizing that it’s kind of starting to sound like my mom’s relationship with her boyfriend. I briefly asked her about it in passing (I’m trying to be a little more open with her about my relationships) and I could see where the similarities lie. Well, I suppose like mother, like son. *shrugs*