I’ve come to realize that in the passing weeks since Mike tried to end things with me (then ended up talking to me again just a little over a week later) that my feelings for him have drastically changed. I honestly haven’t thought about him as much as I did before. I’m not really all that concerned with what he’s been doing with himself. When he doesn’t get back to me, then he doesn’t get back to me, I don’t really trip about it anymore.
I think what’s happened is that I (fully) realized that we are (or at least always have been) each other’s option. Though I did care about him, I really did bounce him back and forth as I did break things off with him a few times just to want him back a few days later. And he’s never actually prioritized me when it came to anything. Initially, maybe… But as time went on it really became pretty obvious where I stood with him and it really wasn’t very close to the top. Now I think that I finally accept it. I’m not even mad about it. Why continually get mad over something that apparently isn’t going to change.
I really worried about my feelings on this situation, too. I mean, to go from loving someone so much that the thought of losing them makes you cry to just being completely indifferent about them seems pretty bad. But I don’t think that I stopped loving him. I just think I don’t care as much about us being together as I used to. If we are, then fine. If not, then I’ll just move on.
I’m realizing that it’s kind of starting to sound like my mom’s relationship with her boyfriend. I briefly asked her about it in passing (I’m trying to be a little more open with her about my relationships) and I could see where the similarities lie. Well, I suppose like mother, like son. *shrugs*