For the first time in a long time I sat down and ate a meal
alone. And not just alone, but with no
distraction at all. No book to
read. No text or phone conversation. No game being played. Just me, my plate, and my thoughts. Well, actually it was more of a container. I bought a salad earlier today for lunch and never
got around to eating it. Anyway, it was
interesting. It wasn't a bad thing. I didn't feel lonely at all. I wasn't salting my salad with my tears of
loneliness. Nor was it overly liberating
and exciting. It was just a thing.
I thought about the fact that I'm on this crazy diet for the
next couple of weeks. Do I need to lose
weight? You can look at my 30” waist
jeans and immediately say “no.” It's
really just about health. Sometimes you need
to have a healthier diet. My roomie
suggested the idea (more for weight loss on her end, though) and so we're in it
together. Will I stick with this after
it's over? Probably not, but I do hope
that I can bring some healthier eating habits into my life.
I thought about the death of a former boss. It's been on my mind a lot lately. I didn't leave that job under the best of circumstances,
but I never had ill will toward anyone.
If anything, I continued to look up to this woman. She was smart, kind, and enjoyed life. I know some people think that when I person
dies, people tend to only see their best qualities, but this really isn't the
case. Her best qualities were her main
qualities. When people talked about her
at the funeral, it really was her they were talking about, not some saint they
created because they feel bad that she died.
And though our beliefs may not have been the same, I do still admire and
hope live life at least a little like she did.
I thought about the emails that I have to send out to the
parents on my little actors. Tonight was
the first rehearsal for my next show. It's
a student production of Disney's The
Little Mermaid Jr. These are the
youngest actors I've ever worked with (11-14 years) so it's a little odd for
me. Especially, since I tend not to
interact with children much. I really
have to stop and think about how I approach dealing with them and what I
say. I'm sure it will turn out fine
though. *fingers crossed*
And then I thought about the fact that I had really just sat
down and eaten that entire container of salad and not stopped to do anything
else. How I haven't had a meal like that
since I went to Miami five(?) years ago.
How have I managed to stay so distracted in my life that I can't sit down
quietly and enjoy a meal without some sort of distraction? It seems like I've become dependent on
something to keep my mind occupied. But
why? It's not totally scary in my head
all the time. Sometimes it's actually
good to hang out in there. Maybe I
should find some more time to do it.
Meh, I don’t know… I need to go write these emails.
